For a two-year-old boy, Thanks Aunt Kara.
http://www.amazon.com/D-Company-25415-Junior-Rocket/dp/B0006N6UQE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1222704854&sr=1-1
For a 28-year-old wife, Thanks Dave.
http://www.darlingmummy.com/order_mv_ss.htm
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
3 months later
At the beginning of the summer, Rhianna's daycare asked us to submit a family photo. We finally got around to doing one this weekend.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
For new posts...
For now, I've been posting on thirdaddition.blogspot.com -- check it out if you're interested.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Auntie ME!
I'm officially aunt to a little girl!! She was 7lbs 8 oz., 20.5 inches, born at 12:09pm EST.
HOORAY!!! Congrats Kara!!
HOORAY!!! Congrats Kara!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
On working motherhood
(reaction to: http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2008/06/01/the_rest_of_us/?page=full)
It's still a social issue because it is still an issue for each woman who becomes a mother.
There is something intrinsic and unique about motherhood. Nothing can really compare with it. Though there certainly is societal pressure for women to be nurturing and maternal, there is also a more primal desire to care for your children. The conflict is, to me, that society pushes women to break the glass ceiling, fight to be top dog with the men, and other such measurements of a patriarchal society. I'm not saying I'm not in favor or equality by any means, but perhaps the gauge should be adjusted so as to reflect a more equal meter. Equality is not a two-dimensional state. If we are to be equal, we must be equal on many axes. (And, unfortunately, I'm not convinced that apples and oranges can every be truly equal as, in many ways, they are simply different beings -- but that's a whole different subject. Perhaps "equality" as we typically see it, is not the goal after all. Anyway...)
When women become mothers, they must learn quickly to use different measuring tools for a success. A successful day with a toddler is not measured by how often you "won" a particular game or how many points you scored (both very masculine and quantifiable ideas), but in how many conflicts you avoided and how quickly you came up with an alternative to divert your child's interest in clobbering the cat with his or her favorite bludgeon. There are great challenges to motherhood and parenting and the tools we are accustomed to using, even those so refined as the scientific method, simply don't apply to the ever-changing variables that are your children. There are no absolutes, no clear finish line, and no specific guidelines for success. For every theory on the "right" way to do any particular task, there is an opposing argument on how this method will send your children to counseling to repair the damage later in life. Further, one approach may work wonderfully with one child and be a total failure with the next --- thus making it very challenging to measure success and, thereby, lodge ourselves as mothers into the hierarchy of achievement as defined by our current society.
I found it ironic when the article contrasted "caring and selfless" to "aggressive and careerist." The women I know who have devoted themselves to being stay-at-home-mom are nothing if not aggressive. And those I consider most "successful" (and by that I mean, manage to keep sane and enjoy their choice to be a SAHM) are not selfless. The selfless ones are food for the wolves. They seem to loose themselves in post-pardum depression and confused identity -- in fact, I felt this way after my first child before I realized that a good mother had to start with a balance self. Though those toothless infants won't handle solid foods for a while after they burst out of a woman's womb, they can ravage mom's sense of self and purpose with the same innocence of a tornado blowing through a trailer park -- blissfully unaware of the damage and disruption it has caused by simply doing and being what nature intended. When women take stock after the natural phenomenon that is young motherhood, their ideals, measuring tools and interests often change. To push this metaphor to a ridiculous level, some realize that even the most well maintained, orderly, successful trailer parks are magnets for natural disaster, others see that trailers are cheap and easy to replace -- just materials that can be rebuilt to be different if not better. Some decide they would prefer a brick house or a maybe a tipi. The possibilities suddenly are overwhelming and now the perspective from which you see your life is drastically different. The normal and predictable weather patterns by which a woman lives and plans her life is replaced, with the addition of each child, by unpredictable, and often severe challenges. It is not our job as women to harness the wild as the masculine ideals would suggest. There is no maternal conquistador. Instead, just as women learn to adjust and live with other natural impositions we face (monthly and otherwise), a mother's job is to adjust to that which is ever-changing and to find balance.
For me, working part-time in my career is a great balance to motherhood. There are clear goals, there are clear successes and I need that balance in my own life. The energy I get off the measured success of my career fuels me for the unending challenges of parenthood. The long-term, intangible challenges I face as a mother motivate me to set clear, ambitious goals in other areas of my life. Within every person, male or female, there is a balance of masculine and feminine. If we are to gauge our success, it should be a perpetual meter of that balance within ourselves first, and those things that can be seen by the outside world should come a distant second. Some people (male or female) need more masculine tokens to balance their scale. They thrive on the measured success of "careerism." Others are balanced by feminine coins. And each person's balance meter changes over time and with different life experiences.
Of course, the trouble in all of this is that the tokens are weighted based on societal standards and given value so in the end, we aren't measured by the balance, but on the volume. Ugh.
Must now get back to work :)
It's still a social issue because it is still an issue for each woman who becomes a mother.
There is something intrinsic and unique about motherhood. Nothing can really compare with it. Though there certainly is societal pressure for women to be nurturing and maternal, there is also a more primal desire to care for your children. The conflict is, to me, that society pushes women to break the glass ceiling, fight to be top dog with the men, and other such measurements of a patriarchal society. I'm not saying I'm not in favor or equality by any means, but perhaps the gauge should be adjusted so as to reflect a more equal meter. Equality is not a two-dimensional state. If we are to be equal, we must be equal on many axes. (And, unfortunately, I'm not convinced that apples and oranges can every be truly equal as, in many ways, they are simply different beings -- but that's a whole different subject. Perhaps "equality" as we typically see it, is not the goal after all. Anyway...)
When women become mothers, they must learn quickly to use different measuring tools for a success. A successful day with a toddler is not measured by how often you "won" a particular game or how many points you scored (both very masculine and quantifiable ideas), but in how many conflicts you avoided and how quickly you came up with an alternative to divert your child's interest in clobbering the cat with his or her favorite bludgeon. There are great challenges to motherhood and parenting and the tools we are accustomed to using, even those so refined as the scientific method, simply don't apply to the ever-changing variables that are your children. There are no absolutes, no clear finish line, and no specific guidelines for success. For every theory on the "right" way to do any particular task, there is an opposing argument on how this method will send your children to counseling to repair the damage later in life. Further, one approach may work wonderfully with one child and be a total failure with the next --- thus making it very challenging to measure success and, thereby, lodge ourselves as mothers into the hierarchy of achievement as defined by our current society.
I found it ironic when the article contrasted "caring and selfless" to "aggressive and careerist." The women I know who have devoted themselves to being stay-at-home-mom are nothing if not aggressive. And those I consider most "successful" (and by that I mean, manage to keep sane and enjoy their choice to be a SAHM) are not selfless. The selfless ones are food for the wolves. They seem to loose themselves in post-pardum depression and confused identity -- in fact, I felt this way after my first child before I realized that a good mother had to start with a balance self. Though those toothless infants won't handle solid foods for a while after they burst out of a woman's womb, they can ravage mom's sense of self and purpose with the same innocence of a tornado blowing through a trailer park -- blissfully unaware of the damage and disruption it has caused by simply doing and being what nature intended. When women take stock after the natural phenomenon that is young motherhood, their ideals, measuring tools and interests often change. To push this metaphor to a ridiculous level, some realize that even the most well maintained, orderly, successful trailer parks are magnets for natural disaster, others see that trailers are cheap and easy to replace -- just materials that can be rebuilt to be different if not better. Some decide they would prefer a brick house or a maybe a tipi. The possibilities suddenly are overwhelming and now the perspective from which you see your life is drastically different. The normal and predictable weather patterns by which a woman lives and plans her life is replaced, with the addition of each child, by unpredictable, and often severe challenges. It is not our job as women to harness the wild as the masculine ideals would suggest. There is no maternal conquistador. Instead, just as women learn to adjust and live with other natural impositions we face (monthly and otherwise), a mother's job is to adjust to that which is ever-changing and to find balance.
For me, working part-time in my career is a great balance to motherhood. There are clear goals, there are clear successes and I need that balance in my own life. The energy I get off the measured success of my career fuels me for the unending challenges of parenthood. The long-term, intangible challenges I face as a mother motivate me to set clear, ambitious goals in other areas of my life. Within every person, male or female, there is a balance of masculine and feminine. If we are to gauge our success, it should be a perpetual meter of that balance within ourselves first, and those things that can be seen by the outside world should come a distant second. Some people (male or female) need more masculine tokens to balance their scale. They thrive on the measured success of "careerism." Others are balanced by feminine coins. And each person's balance meter changes over time and with different life experiences.
Of course, the trouble in all of this is that the tokens are weighted based on societal standards and given value so in the end, we aren't measured by the balance, but on the volume. Ugh.
Must now get back to work :)
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Birthday Party
Rhianna's third birthday turned out fairly well. There were about 6 kids including Rhianna and Owen which may have been just enough for her to feel like it was special. It wasn't quite as chaotic as last year but it was a little stressful because the weather was finicky. Nonetheless, she got to have cake and friends and that's really what birthdays are all about when you're three.
This might be my favorite picture of the kids to date. Check out those rockin' Elmo socks. Awesome ensemble if you ask me.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Birthday news
Rhianna and Owen had a great time at their friend Aidan's birthday party on Sunday. It was held at the local athletic club where they have tunnels and bouncers which was a blast for all in attendence.
This experience certainly set the bar high for Rhianna's upcoming birthday party. Saturday afternoon we will have a couple hours of frivolity in her honor. There will be friends, there will be cake, and there will (hopefully) be fewer tantrums than we've had this morning. Aside from actually setting a time and date for the event, I have made no plans. Hopefully it will come together soon!
This experience certainly set the bar high for Rhianna's upcoming birthday party. Saturday afternoon we will have a couple hours of frivolity in her honor. There will be friends, there will be cake, and there will (hopefully) be fewer tantrums than we've had this morning. Aside from actually setting a time and date for the event, I have made no plans. Hopefully it will come together soon!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Trauma in paradise
First stitches. Very traumatic. She was carrying some things down the stairs and tripped on the last one. When she landed, her lip had an unfortunate collision with the hardwood floor. She split her lip and has two stitches. It looks pretty good now but it was pretty puffy on Wednesday.
I now understand the whole "harder on Mom than on the kid" issue. I was fine getting her from incident to Urgent care, but when they started talking about scarring and lifted up her lip to show me the (healable but bloody) damage, it was heartwrenching. I'm certain that the most traumatic point for her was having the doc actually put in the stitched. I know she didn't agonize over whether she'd have an unsightly scar for eternity, but I sure did. Sheesh, this mothering thing is exhausting.
I now understand the whole "harder on Mom than on the kid" issue. I was fine getting her from incident to Urgent care, but when they started talking about scarring and lifted up her lip to show me the (healable but bloody) damage, it was heartwrenching. I'm certain that the most traumatic point for her was having the doc actually put in the stitched. I know she didn't agonize over whether she'd have an unsightly scar for eternity, but I sure did. Sheesh, this mothering thing is exhausting.
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