All aboard the Potty Train

One of the phases of early parenting that I've been dreading has arrived. Potty training.

Rhianna started showing interest so we've climbed aboard the potty train. I have been nervous about this ever since I realize I would be resposible for teaching this very important skill to another human. And though some of my fears have been relieved -- She seems excited about going, she initiated it and hopefully will reliably use the potty and be out of diapers before she is five years old -- this is way more complicated than I thought it would be. There is a hundred things that I'm realizing need to be taught that I don't quite know how to explain to a person of... limited communication skills. Here are a few of the issues that have come to light in the past few days:

Item number one: Wiping. Rhianna's managed to pee and poop in the potty a couple of times. Her "reward" for doing this is that she gets to use the toilet paper and then flush -- Which, by the way, you should never teach your child to do until you are prepared for the toilet to be flushed about 387 times in one day because it is a very exciting new skill for a toddler. Anyway, she's enthusiastic about using the paper and seems to understand it's about cleaning things. She dabs just fine -- although doesn't really get herself dry -- but she doesn't seem to think her bottom is the only thing that needs to be cleaned after the potty experience. After wiping her bottom, she proceeds to clean her legs, the toilet seat, the bathtub and then use this same Kleenex-type tissue to wipe her nose. OK. Did you catch that? That means she's rubbing her nose with USED toilet paper. Gross. And even once we get that nipped in the bud, how the heck do you get them to really make sure their bottom is clean/dry? I mean, is Mom supposed to do an extra swipe? Obviously, I'm very new to this young-person in the bathroom routine.

Item number two: farting. So she doesn't yet associate the pre-pee sensation to "I better get to the potty" but she does seem to understand that the poop sensation has something to do with the toilet -- and, of course, the almighty flushing. What does this mean? In the last two days we have visited the potty 6 times for her to fart. I mean, it's good that she's connecting the dots I suppose.... but should I really introduce the word "fart"? Sure, a little girl coming to mommy saying "poop" is perfectly understandable, but a 19-month-old running around saying "fart" just isn't all that endearing.

Item number three: Panties. Ok, this one is simple. Rhianna is very small for her age and they don't make panties or pullups in her size. It seems like a bad idea to let her go commando so she'll end up with saggy panties (read: only the waistband actually touches her body) until she's probably around three years old.

Item number four: Potty Ring. In order to potty train a child with a little bum, you can either buy a potty chair for them to use (which requires that you dump and clean their... yeah) or you can get a seat that goes on top of the regular toilet that just has a smaller opening so they aren't at risk of falling in (with this option, you also need a stool so that they can get all the way up to the potty). We have the former that converts to the latter. The details aren't important except to understand that she really will only use the potty if the smaller seat is on top. So here's my question: Do I have to carry this damn potty seat everywhere we go? Ugh.

Item number five: Spray. Owen is officially Dave's job for potty training. I get the girl. Therefore, I never considered spray might be an issue. After all, I've never sat on the pot and had the stream, well, miss the toilet. As long as I'm properly seated, the merchandise pretty much goes where it's supposed to. Aiming, as far as I'm concerned, is a boy thing -- unless of course we're camping, but that's another story altogether. Anyway. After about a week of potty training, I have to ask: How is it possible for a GIRL to be sitting correctly on the potty and spray the room? I have NO idea how to approach this one except to steer clear of the two feet directly in front of the potty.