Well, my first Mother's Day was pretty much a bust. I travelled the entire roller coaster of emotions. It started with a “do you want to get up to get the baby?” (Uh, are you freaking kidding me? It’s MOTHER’S day. You go – not to mention I got up with her at 3am so, sorry dad, you lose.) Then I was given a wonderful card and a figurine I love (high point). And then we continued about our typical Sunday routine of Costco and Target (lull) followed by putting together the new bike trailer (high) then the total hysteria of Rhianna’s first adventure in the bike trailer (low) to my total mental breakdown (really low) but it all ended up ok and by the time I went to bed I was feeling appreciated and loved (good) but ended up getting the stomach flu so spent the night with diarrhea and vomiting sessions (really really really low). So… there’s room for improvement in future Mother's Days.
Yesterday was the Big Day. I dragged myself to the hospital between pooping/barfing episodes for my ultrasound appointment only for them to tell me that my appointment wasn’t actually until Friday. Apparently these preggo hormones are affecting my ability to read a date on an appointment card because when I looked on it, sure enough, it said May 19. Nonetheless, they said I could wait around and see if they could fit me in. I did and they did. Shout out to the ultrasound chicks -- thanks so much for not sending me home with no gender-news.
The verdict? I have a healthy little baby boy swimming inside me. Weird reality: when this is all said and done, I will have had a penis inside of me for almost a year (not even counting the actual catalyst for this event). To add insult to injury, the presence of said penis does not affect at all the amount of orgams I will have. Granted, that would be gross, but still, in the past, penis-presence has had some pleasure potential. This one, the one that will be in me the longest, not potential whatsoever.
Anyway, after a day of shock over my apparent ability to grow someone a penis (and my initial disappointment at not populating the world with mostly vagina-owning personnel), I’m coming to terms with, and getting very excited about, this whole boy prospect. That’s right – another thing I’m willing to admit – just like Miranda on Sex and the City -- I faked my ultrasound. But I’m coming around to the idea of a boy much faster than I thought I would. I'm already pretty excited about it and it's only been a day.
Sure, I’m still a bit afraid of my little boy’s (currently centimeter-long) slong, but I’ll get over it. After all, you have to face fears to get over them right? I’m realizing (woo-hoo psycho-analysis time!) that it’s not so much the penis, it’s the unknown I’m scared of. My initial reaction to this pregnancy was mostly “that’s not what I had planned” but I realize that I hoped for a girl because that would still be in my comfort zone. Sure, I’ll be ok with being pregnant, as long as it’s a girl because I know my vaginas and damnit, I like them. But he’s not a she and I’ll love him and the presence of his penis just as much as I would have if he'd had a vagina (but I’m still praying for no innie).
Who knows? Maybe it will make me more comfortable with the whole existence of penises in the world. I currently see them as a necessary part of nature, but really nothing to look forward to. I mean sure, there are pretty ones and scary ones – like noses. But basically, it’s a science thing. It’s just there – you have to accept it. Like evolution (no comments on that one because if you deny evolution, it will give me grounds to deny the Penis and Dave would be mad if I started a philosophical debate of the existence of the penis).
Really, I think the hoping-for-a-girl was also a lot about the name. I really liked our girl names. And as it turns out, Dave has more opinions than we initially thought about boy names. But that's how it was with Rhianna -- we had no trouble with boys names then, but couldn't agree on a girl. Unfortunately our leftover boy names don't seem to have the same alure. We're open to suggestions at this point.
So to sum up: Yay! It’s a boy! “Now we can have one of each and be done.” We’ll see. For now, I’ll be focusing on growing a good strong boy with a great little penis :)
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