On bottoms and mother-ease

Last Friday, Dave and I enjoyed our second "date-night" -- the second Friday of each month, our daycare keeps the kids until 8 so we get to enjoy three workless, childless hours. We decided to spend one of our Christmas gift certificates on a nice dinner. I sat in the booth after we'd finished our dinner and watched waiters, waitresses and patrons stroll past our table. Now, you have to realize that after 3 years of drinking almost no alcohol, I my mind was drifting freely after two glasses of red wine. And as the people walked by, I couldn't help but notice their bottoms. Specifically the difference between the male and female bottoms. By the "difference" I mean that current fashion suggests that men have NO bottoms and women have ....significant bottoms.

Take a poll the next time you're out in public. Note the bottom "crease" showing through the pants that defines the bottom. Compare how many women creases you see versus male creases. Even the loose-fitting women's pants still define the bottom in some way -- be it the crease, the pockets place atop each cheek, or the fit of the waist (shamelessly revealing the crack and shoving out the love handles or nicely tailored pleats defining the shape of the bottom leading up to the to the womanly waist). Their male counterparts, however, rarely show evidence of the existance of any existence of body parts between the waist and the knees. The pocket are placed to hide camouflauge the crease and the waist, well, defies all laws of physics to make the pants stay up. Sure, here and there, you encounter a significant male bottom that can't be camouflaged by the fashionable rump-less rags, but these are few and far between.

Aside from this Earth-shattering realization during my date on Friday, I stumbled on an item to add to my "you know you're a mother when" list (which I someday will publish in full). Ready?

You know you're a mother when your chosen word for "butt" is "bottom" -- even when you're a little drunk. Not "ass", "hiney", or "rear", but the toddler-friendly, "bottom". Ah, Motherhood how you've changed me.